Week 5: Evacuation!

Week 5: Plan and practice evacuation drills using two different escape routes from each room and meeting at a pre-appointed location. Consider placing an escape ladder on the second floor of a two story home. For each family member add: 1 small can opener, 1 can prepared meat and 1 box/package raisins or other dried fruit.

I remember being in school, fighting sleep, while the professor droned on about all things boring. I would start thinking about how many periods were left in the day and how many days in the week and how many weeks in the school year and how many more years of school till graduation. It seemed endless.

But sometimes, something magical happened. An alarm rang. Heads poked up, eyes met and smiles cracked. Initially there was hesitation. “Is this real? Is there a fire?” Moments later we were pushing out of the classroom into packed halls, a stream of students merging and converging until we reached the open.

Teachers assembled their streams and counted heads. The principal held a stopwatch and nodded. A few stragglers emerged from the washrooms. Some were genuinely disappointed there was no actual fire. I was just happy to be out of the classroom for a few minutes.

A very elaborate drill.

That’s what comes to mind when I think of evacuation drills. The reality is that these days I live in a fourth floor condo with two bedrooms and one front door. I devised an evacuation route the day I moved in eight years ago and have practiced nearly every day since. I call it: taking the stairs. Can I have a book deal now?

As for an escape ladder, I think the fourth floor is a little high. My place is not that large, so I find it hard to imagine a scenario where I would be able to access the deck but not the front door. There are also three separate stairwells, all of which are outdoor access. You can see two of them from the first picture below; the second picture is taken from my deck.

Maybe I'll just tie a few sheets together and land in that shrub.

For each family member add: 1 small can opener, 1 can prepared meat and 1 box/package raisins or other dried fruit.


The first thing on this weeks list of items to buy was also the hardest to find. Small can openers are not found in most stores so I had to go to a camping supply store where I found this:

Perfect for all your small can needs.

I happen to think it is the neatest item I've added to the kit, although it did not come with a holster. It was pretty cheap as well, only $1.89 after tax. I've never seen a can opener like this before and I just had to test it out.

Mmmmm.... jagged.

There is a small notch on the edge of the handle which catches on the lip of the can you are opening. You then  use the notch to create a bit of leverage and punch a hole in the can with the blade. It's a little awkward from here but it's not too difficult to use a back and forth motion to cut the can open. As you can see the edges are a little rough, so be careful!

You can't have Spam bacon sausage and Spam without the Spam. And apparently you can't have an emergency preparedness kit without it either. What I want to know is how they get away with calling it prepared meat. Pressed meat is more like it. Maybe compressed meat?

Pressed ham, anyone?

I decided on raisins rather than some other dried fruit mainly because they are cheaper. Also, Sunmaid raisins really take me back to my childhood. My mother used to buy them for us kids and they came in little individual serving boxes. I probably never would have liked them if it were not for the boxes but that little bit of novelty made them special. You can still get them in the little boxes but I choose a bag because it's twice the raisins for the same price. They also don't expire until August 2012 which means they will almost survive until the world ends.

Quick, get me some bread! I just had a fantastic sandwich idea!

So there you have it. A couple more items to the kit. I apologize for the lack of posts the last couple weeks. Blogger was down for a few days which kept me from posting and the rest of the time I've been battling a case of lazyitis. I shall not let it happen again (I hope)!

Here is the cost breakdown for this week:

Spam and raisins: $5.83
Can openers: $1.89
Weekly total: $7.72
Grand total:  $23.36 (Family of four: $93.44)

Cry havoc and pry open the cans of war.

During a disaster is not the time to plan!

Week 4: Food!

Week 4: For each family member add: 1 can of soup, 3 small packages of crackers and eating utensils (knife, fork & spoon)


I finally get to add food items to my kit! It's not much, I admit, but it's a start. At least if I am caught in an emergency now I'll be able to ration the soup and crackers to survive for at least four hours. Progress!

I was surprised at how difficult it was to choose a can of soup to buy for the kit. I wanted to get something cheap, to keep overall costs down, and I had picked up a can of Campbell's Tomato soup, which was only $1.07. I started to walk away with the can in my hand when I realized that it was condensed soup; you need to add milk or water in order to actually make it into soup. I don't know if I can guarantee access to potable water and I don't find blobs of gelatinous tomato material to be very appealing as a food source so I put the can back and picked up this:

I bet it's delicious cold

It cost $2.07 but once you open the can it's ready to enjoy, as the label suggests. I chose the vegetable beef flavor because it seemed like it would be a good source of vitamins and protein. I almost bought the corn chowder but I thought anything chowdery is probably at the top of the list of soups I might regurgitate under strenuous conditions.

Corn chunder.

I wasn't too sure what I should do about the crackers. Grocery stores do not often sell them in small packages, and a larger package would take up too much space and/or mess up my calculations for total cost. I thought I might have to resort to some kind of voodoo or, even worse, math. Luckily, I was out with a buddy this week and I ordered soup which came with these:

Survival equipment.

Lastly, and so far the most practical item included in the kit, a set of eating utensils! The more observant reader will have noticed that while I have food and utensils I still lack a can-opener. I would say the more observant reader is a Negative Nancy. Seagulls pick up oysters and drop them from a height to crack them open and eat the contents and I am relatively certain that I am smarter than a seagull. I'm pretty sure I could figure something out.

The utensils I bought are designed for camping and have some features that make them ideal for our purposes. The features are written on the front of the packaging but I'll copy them underneath for easier viewing and comment:

Compact: Utensils nest together in metal slot for storage

This seems like a good feature. Not only does it save space but it keeps them from becoming separated.

Dishwaser Safe
Not relevant.

Storage Bag Included: Reusable bag conveniently attaches to belt for hands free carrying.
You read that correctly. These utensils come with a cheap plastic bag to attach to your belt! And it's reusable, whatever that means! I like to imagine it as a holster. Tactical cutlery!

Ok, he wins. Mine does not come with a hood ornament.

Despite the fact that I've only added three fairly ordinary items, the kit is finally starting to feel useful. The soup and cutlery cost me $6.71; the crackers were free, of course.

That gives us a total now of $15.64 or $62.56 for a family of four. I would weigh everything but the scale I just bought has stopped working, even with new batteries. I'll have to return it and update the weight later.

Preparedness is Everyone's Responsibility!

Week 3: Contact!

Week 3: Post emergency phone numbers near each telephone and instruct all family members on the use of these numbers. Designate a relative or friend living outside of BC as your family contact - ensure that they are prepared to man their telephone once the initial 72 hours have elapsed. After a disaster it is often easier to call out of your region as the local phone lines might be tied up.


Excuse me, emergency kit? Yes, hi, I'm sorry to bother you but... AM I EVER GOING TO GET TO PUT ANYTHING INSIDE YOU? We're three weeks into this project and so far all I have to show for it is an empty bin and a blank list of potential food items. Where are the survival items and cans of spam? What about matches and rope and blankets? I would settle for a package of crackers right now!

Some kit you are. What's next week, write a new constitution for the civilization that will arise in the event our current one becomes covered in ash? What I wouldn't give to be able to buy, weigh and record the cost of an ax right now!

Better than my kit.

I have so many issues with this week's post, I suppose we should look at them cynically one at a time. Here goes:

Post emergency phone numbers near each telephone and instruct all family members on the use of these numbers.
You started off well. Emergency numbers are useful. But, do I really need to instruct anyone how to use them? What instructions are necessary? These are phone numbers. You press them with your fingers in the order in which they appear. If you have any questions about this process you are not worth saving during an emergency. Please kill yourself immediately.

Preparednicity is our goal.

Designate a relative or friend living outside of BC as your family contact... After a disaster it is often easier to call out of your region as the local phone lines might be tied up.
I live in British Columbia (BC) and I can tell you that it is geographically a huge chunk of land. Wikipedia says it is 944,735 square kilometers (364,800 sq mi). It's larger than Texas (696,000 sq km) and it's even larger than the entire countries of Germany and France... combined. Yet, I am supposed to prepare for an emergency that would wipe out the entire province? If I lived in Rhode Island I would think this was good advice. If I am in New Jersey I probably have a friend in New York I can call if things get ugly. But all of BC? Keep in mind, I am not taking something designed for use in Vermont and extrapolating it to use in my home province. This thing was created in BC for use by British Columbians!

Don't get any ideas. I'm looking at you, Germany.

...family contact - ensure that they are prepared to man their telephone once the initial 72 hours have elapsed
Is this really necessary? I mean, everyone has a cell phone these days so what's the big deal?

...local phone lines might be tied up
Again, cell phones.

Ok, kit. I am getting tired of these pointless instructions. Next week you better have something good to add or I may have to make some shit up.

During a disaster is not the time to plan!

Week 2: Menus?

Week 2: Create a menu for every meal for every day (7 x 3 = 21). Then use the menu to determine what food items you need to include in your containers.

Disasters can strike at any time. That is pretty much the reason you create an emergency preparedness kit. No one wants to get caught with their pants down during an invasion of killer bees.

You are not prepared.

Because this particular kit is designed to be completed over a 52 week period, you might expect that items of highest priority would be completed first; in case the kit is not complete when disaster strikes. Then why, I ask, after two weeks, do we have a container and a menu?

Inflation is a bitch.

What is supposed to go on this menu, anyway? We haven't added any food to the kit! If I get trapped in the earthquake reduced rubble of my home tomorrow I will have nothing to eat except the menu itself.

And this.

Here is where I cheated a bit. I looked ahead to future weeks of planning and there are plenty of food items added gradually to the kit. Phew! For a moment I was worried that I'd have to think of that stuff on my own!

I figure the best thing to do is to make a blank list which I can add the food items to; more like an inventory than a menu. Fortunately this solution also costs me nothing and adds no weight to the kit. Win-win! I don't think I need to do the math for our assumed family of four in this case.

So, our running total is still $8.93 or $35.72 for the fam. Not bad.

Week 1: Containers!

Week 1: Disaster kit containers: you can either use a separate container for each member of the family or a number of larger containers to use for the family as a whole such as a plastic bucket, suitcase, box, wheeled garbage container etc. Be sure that you can transport them easily one a wagon, luggage rack etc. If you use a separate container for each member of your family. Designate one container as the "main" container as some weeks you will be adding items only to one container. Find an accessible location for the containers to be stored, close to an exit, and known to all family members.


That, ladies and gentleman, is taken word for word from the gospel of preparedness and I will begin each week by quoting it verbatim, spelling and grammatical errors included.

It's probably the longest entry in this entire project and really it only says one thing. Get a container and put it somewhere.

I thought about putting together multiple containers to simulate a family of four but it seems like one container on it's own is going to cost me a fair bit as it is and I'm not rich. Instead, I'll just multiply the costs and the weight by four to get an approximate amount.

Here is the container I bought:

Ain't she a beaut? I went name brand because I want something durable that I can rely on in tough times. If an earthquake topples my building I want this baby to hold up when the ceiling falls on it. If there is a flood I want to be able to sail it to dry land. If the sun supernovas I want... okay in that event it would melt, but you get the idea. It's 24in x 16in x 16.5in, so it should be able to hold everything I will need for my kit.

I do have a question though. The text mentions transporting the kit... where would I transport it? Isn't the point of the kit to have supplies if I am stuck and can't access the outside world? If the shit hits the fan am I supposed to take my kit out to the parking lot and cook some baked beans while I wait for the national guard to come rescue me? I hope this gets clear later on.

I also took a picture of the receipt so that I can track the total cost of the project.

So far: $8.93 including taxes. Assuming a family of four the total would be $35.72.

I'm starting to get excited now. My first step toward being prepared for an emergency, hooray! It's not much yet, but at least it gives me somewhere to hide from the terrorists.

Disasters Can Strike At Any Time!

Introduction

What would you do if tomorrow morning, in your home town, a volcano erupted or a massive earthquake shook   or the terrorists struck, aliens invaded and zombies rose from the grave (the trifecta!)?

I know what I would do. I'd live comfortably on the contents of my Emergency Preparedness Kit. Well, not yet. You see, it wasn't until a few days ago that I realized I had a need for such a kit. I was skipping along, living in complete and joyful ignorance. Not of the threats, no, we all hear the threats every day. My ignorance was of the solution!

If there is no solution to your problems then they really aren't problems, are they? It's just life. It's only when there is a solution, and it's not in your hands, that you have a problem. And what does that lead to? Fear. Fear that when the terrorists strike you will not have enough canned soup nearby or that when a tsunami wipes out your home and all your possessions you will no longer be able to play checkers or shave your armpits.

Thankfully, my employers have seen fit to furnish me with the plans to develop an Emergency Preparedness Kit. It will take a mere 52 weeks to complete but when it is finished I will be ready for any contingency. I pass along this guide so that you too may benefit.

When our kits are complete, and the murderous race of cow-creatures has burned our buildings to the ground, we few, the prepared, can hold our heads high and proudly proclaim: I AM NOT A CANNIBAL!

Preparedness is Everyone's Responsibility!